I've been thinking, I should have sub-titled this blog "The shit I go through because of the shit that goes through me." Sorry, just struck me as funny.

So I haven't made any decisions yet on what to do, about life, literally. I know I'm going to have to really fight hard to avoid analysis paralysis.

Imagine this. You're in a small airplane at night flying over the United States when you suddenly have engine trouble. The plane is going down and you need to decide whether you put on your parachute and jump, or try to survive a crash landing. Statistically you might be better off surviving the aftermath and being found by staying with the plane and riding out the crash landing, but statistics are worthless to the individual. As my doctor explained, statistics only work in a population. A population may have a 60% chance of surviving, but for an individual, it's either 0% or 100%. You either do or you don't. The fact that some people survive plane crashes means nothing to the individual that dies. Each situation is different, as is each person. So, what to do. If you decide to jump, you may die because doing that at night is not easy, but realistically, your chances might be better. Right now you're high enough that you CAN jump with the best chance of survival. Or you could try to ride out the crash. If the terrain below is level and clear of obstructions (unlikely, but possible), that'd be easy. If there's trees and boulders and whatever else, that could be suicide. If you wait until you are lower to see the terrain, it'll be too late to jump, so you need to decide now, in the dark, with no time to consult Google. What do you do? Put on the parachute and jump, or buckle up and take your chances?

The parachute is the surgery. Riding out the crash is alternative medicine. If I'm going to jump, the sooner the better. If I wait, things will progress to a point where I won't be able to jump. Maybe you or someone you know rode out the crash and survived. Does that mean I will? Most people with ulcerative colitis have good results with one of the many different types of medication. Even though statistically those medicines should work great on me, in my actual case, they don't work and the last one started causing pancreatitis as well.

Analysis paralysis. I'm late for work.

-jk